Farthingale Publications

A Lancastrian hobby website of curiosities and nonsense

picConiston from the Cumbria Way

Mind Your Langauge

I've had some good times since I joined Haydock Choir
And no doubt many more there will be.
But the one episode which to tell I ne'er tire
Occurred when we toured Germany.

Of that one trip alone, I could write a full book
And some day I may well do so.
But on this occasion suffice if I took
The incident concerning Joe.

Now most of the choir speak the broad northern way
Although some southern accents do boast.
But regarding the former, it's perhaps true to say
That Joe speaks much broader than most.

It occurred on that memorable evening,
We were guests at the Cannstatt Bier Fest.
Where, for our lot the food and the first drink was free.
After which we'd to pay like the rest.

Well, we all settled down in this massive marquee
And the beer was the real German stuff.
We sang to a band as we downed it with glee
And we soon knew that we'd had enough.

The beer was served up by girls of large size
And to say they were big is no jest.
For we heard, if at work they should chance to demise,
They carry them out, four abreast.

It was after a while that a few of our troupe
Decided to wander around.
And when they returned told the rest of the group
Of an Englishman whom they had found.

"Weerisee?" asked Joe "Hey is thatim oer yon?
Aye amust se ilooks one of us.
Hey athinks as al goon ave a tawk to the mon".
Which he did, and he spoke to him thus.

"Nethen mi owd cocker, an weerst tha cum from?
Ast arr tha sin out like this eer?
Ast sin them theer wenches? nowt like um awom.
By gum this is blummin good beer".

The man looked perplexed, and then raising his hand
As if to start preaching a sermon.
He said, "Sorry old chappie, I don't understand.
You see I nicht sprechen the German".


George Anderton - October 1975
Inspired by a visit with Haydock Male Voice Choir to Bad Cannstatt, Stuttgart

picThe Langdales from Moss Eccles Tarn

Farthingale Publications:... Is a hobby web site containing articles of local interest to Lancastrians, some favourite walking and cycling routes, selected words and poetry, and some writings of more general and whimsical nature as well as the authors own picture gallery. Access is available via the homepage and menu at the head of the page.
Local Interest: Richmond Hill Dairies; Mind Your Language; John Lancaster MP; Thomas Aspinwall (Miners Agent); Upholland Telephone Exchange 1962; Thomas Linacre School; Scot Lane School; The Lindsays of Haigh; Dust Upon God's Fair Earth; Nurburgring 1960; Wigan Advertisements 1960; Wigan Soldier Missing in Action; It's a Funny Life; Thomas Whitham VC; Isaac Watts; Wigan Old Bank; The Brocklebank Line; John Byrom of Lowton; The Holy City; Private Walter Turton; Little Ships at War; Cricket Calypso; Not Much of a Warrior.
Walking & Cycling: Moss Eccles Tarn; Abbey Lakes to Coppull Moor; Chorley Ice Cream Walk; Douglas Valley Dawdle; Three Counties Cycle Ride; Haigh to Borsdane Wood; A Lancshire Lineaer Walk; Blackrod or Bust; Cycle the Sankey Valley; Cycle the Monsal Trail; Wigan Circular by Bike; Freshfield to Crosby; Irwell Valley Trail (Bury to Rawtenstall); Irwell Valley (Bury to Salford).
Words & Poetry: The Heart of Midlothian; The Family Man; The Fair Rosamond; The Fair Rosamond Comic; The Wreck of the Hesperus; God Bless these Poor Wimmen that's Childer; Dombey and Son; Aw've Turned me bit O' Garden O'er; On Th' Hills; Four Favourite Poems; The Darkling Thrush; The Glory of the Garden; The Rolling English Road; Hymn Before Action; Dust upon God's Fair Earth; Mind Your Language; Jeff Unsworth's dialect poetry.
Wallgate Chronicles: Hugo Boss comes to Wigan; In the footsteps of the Manchester Rambler; Fun with Trigonometry; Surprise at the Philharmonic; Cat Bells; A Walk in the Hills; Eay Times Uv Changed; Fidelio; The Ravioli Room; Desert Island Discs; Travels in Time; The Spectroscope; The Bohemian Girl; Bookcase; Barnaby Rudge; Romance on a Budget; The Battle of Solferino; The Getaway Car; The Switchroom Wigan; The Force of Destiny; Adolphe Adam; The Fair Maid of Perth; Ivanhoe; Semele; Lohengrin.